I lost 2 pounds. It may not seem significant now, but if I keep at it I will have the firm physique I've dreamed of since my youth in a matter of months.
Since I'm now part of the "i lost weight" camp, I'd like to provide some advice to people still stuck in their fat bodies.
1. Stop being such a pig, you fat-ass. Why do you eat so much? You're never going to lose weight eating so much you fat asshole.
2. Stop eating so much chips. Chips and soda will kill your chances of losing weight. I eat at Taco Bell and Baja Fresh, why don't you quit it with the McDonald's and Friendly's?
3. Stop having such low self-esteem. You're worth something. Stop being so hard on yourself. Get out there, meet new people, have a couple drinks at the bar (but none with all the cream).
4. Exercise. Stop being so lazy and lousy. You're so fat and yet you refuse to exercise. You're such a fat piece of shit.
5. Stop putting mayo and gravy on everything.
6. Take the steps, not the elevator. If there is only an escalator option, walk up the escalator.
7. Stop farting everywhere you go. If you hold your farts in they will push back into your body and revitalize your organs with weight loss enhancing enzymes.
8. Get some over-the-counter colon cleansing formula. Many fat individuals have several pounds of compacted fecal matter stuck in their colon waiting to be driven out.
9. Find something you enjoy doing that helps you lose weight. Many common, fun activities encourage weight loss. These can include sports, eugenics, and spirituality.
10. Start washing more. Many disgusting, fat people don't wash enough. Fat people need to learn the importance of being clean.
Harsh love, right? Well, it's what's needed.
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