Yellow Poop--Is it real?

We all know that yellow feces is a sign of good digestive health.
TO ALL OF YOU FAKES OUT THERE:

STOP URINATING ON YOUR POOP AND TELLING ME IT'S HEALTHY YELLOW POOP. WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU JUST PEED ON YOUR POOP.

Can I Borrow Your Truck or Trailer?

On October 20, 2011 the apocolypse will occur. I'm asking everyone out there if they have a truck or trailer that they can let me borrow for this time. Also, I don't know how to drive so if someone could drive it too that would be great. I'm also interested in anyone that has access to alot of water bottles and canned foods that they could give to me. In return I can offer my companionship and intellect.

Tamalin and Mini have been cute

Obama Coins - My Endorsement

We all know that Barack Obama's inauguration single-handedly changed the face of American history. It was a proud moment for people of all races, including me (Scandinavian/Jewish origins). I know that many people out there are like myself, and really need some keepsake to remember the powerful moment when we saw Barack become president, and I've come across a valuable product that will help all with the endeavor. Officially US minted Barack Obama commerorative coins.



There are many companies producing Obama coins, some good, some not-so-good. I've found the best to be the ones offered by the Home Shopping Network (a very reliable business).
The best deal by far is their 10-pack. Basically, you get 10 sets of Obama coins for $199.95. This is over a $50 discount from their competitors. Not only that, but it's a better product. I've tried out all the Obama coins on the market, and the HSN variety are the good ones. Add to that the fact that HSN charges only $9.25 for shipping and handling, and you've got yourself the deal of the century. The best thing is, these coins are CHEAP now. In 10-20 years their value could easily go up. That's why the 10-pack is such a good deal. I plan on keeping 6 sets for myself as a keepsake to remember Barack's innauguration, giving 4 away to friends and family as birthday/Easter gifts and keeping one to sell in the future. Not only will I get to keep 6 amazing sets of coins in specially hand-carved Amish wood boxes, but I will also easily get back the money I paid for them by selling the one set to collectors. I have lots of friends who are coin enthusiasts, and they're buying these things by the truckload because they know they'll be sitting on a gold mine down the line. BUY HERE.

These coins are really beautiful. They are officially minted US coins, with immaculate and intricate painted sides. These sides contain breathtaking and vivid images that represent Obama's strong leadership. All the classic symbols are there; the white house, the Eagle, Abraham Lincoln, you name it. Looking at these coins really gets me quite emotional, and I'm sure many other proud Americans would agree that without these coins we would not have anything to look to for guidance in the morning. When I see the state this country is in, with soaring gas and fast food prices, high crime rates, rampant pornography, muslim fundamentalism, debt from the iraq war, and an excessive number of americans with up to 3 pounds of compacted fecal matter in their colons, I know that Obama will make things change.

Additionally, other companies are selling Barack Obama commerorative plates, which come with certificates of authenticity. This certificate means that you know the plate is the real deal. I've seen these plates for sale at Rite Aid for about $19.95, which is an amazing deal considering how much they'll be worth in the future. Keep in mind that these plates are meant to be displayed proudly in one's living room, bedroom, or dining arena. They are NOT for eating.

I think we all remember where we were the moment Barack got in the white house. Let's never forget. Buy the coins today.

Pepperoni Salad?

Hey guys.
Today's blog entry is about one of my guilty pleasures: Italian Cuisine.

The thing is, I don't like to stick to the traditional recipes. Rather, I create my own concoctions from traditional italian ingredients. I'll post some of my favorite homemmade recipes here.

1. Calimatta Olive and Gravy Salad

What you'll need: 3 pounds sliced onions
1 package manfrotto brand traditional italian spaghetti noodle
1 Calimatta Olive
6 cups brown gravy
2 tbsp. cabbage
8 cups chopped nuts (optional)

Mix all ingredients in a bowl. Add your favorite dressing. I personally like a combination of ranch and blue cheese.

2. Cream Cheese Ravioli

What you'll need: 3 sheets Rigatolato's Ravioli Crust
2 cans monnacinno's red gravy
7 tbls. sugar
1 lb. ground beef
7 sticks butter
7 sticks string cheese
1/2 pound duck
3 cans diet cherry pepsi.

Ok, so you all know that for the health conscious consumer (like myself) we don't want to use too much oil. So for this recipe you'll notice we're using diet cherry pepsi instead. Simply cut your sheets of ravioli crust, stuff each layer with 1 can of gravy and 1 half pound beef. Wrap the ravioli crust around the ingredients. Fry in 1/2 inch of diet cherry pepsi. With the remaining ingredients, place in a food processor until it reaches a cream cheese consistency and pour on top of raviolis when they are dark brown.



3. Veal and Popcorn Parmegane
What you'll need: 3 packets Orville Redenbacher Buttered Popcorn
2 cutlets milk-fed veal
1 sardine
2 pounds bread crumbs
7 slices Mama Mia brand potato/ginger bread
4 cans Peppino's brand fusion marinara (make sure to get the one with the yellow label)
8 bags swedish meatballs
1 Bottle Red Wine (To Drink with your meal)

Pop your popcorn. Place it in a pan of fusion marinara on medium heat until the popcorn becomes moist. Cut milk-fed veal into quarter inch segments and douse in popcorn marinara. Rub on bread crumbs. Stick between two slickes of potato/ginger bread. Place in the microwave on high heat for 12 minutes. Boil meatballs for approximately 20 minutes and place on top of bread. Makes about 10 servings. Enjoy with your favorite red wine and that special someone who you love. This is a perfect Valentine's Day treat, and a great surprise for the whole family. We've had this dish at my house every Easter and Christmas for I don't know how long.
Enjoy!

Weight Loss Journey Vol.3

It's official!

I lost 2 pounds. It may not seem significant now, but if I keep at it I will have the firm physique I've dreamed of since my youth in a matter of months.

Since I'm now part of the "i lost weight" camp, I'd like to provide some advice to people still stuck in their fat bodies.

1. Stop being such a pig, you fat-ass. Why do you eat so much? You're never going to lose weight eating so much you fat asshole.

2. Stop eating so much chips. Chips and soda will kill your chances of losing weight. I eat at Taco Bell and Baja Fresh, why don't you quit it with the McDonald's and Friendly's?

3. Stop having such low self-esteem. You're worth something. Stop being so hard on yourself. Get out there, meet new people, have a couple drinks at the bar (but none with all the cream).

4. Exercise. Stop being so lazy and lousy. You're so fat and yet you refuse to exercise. You're such a fat piece of shit.

5. Stop putting mayo and gravy on everything.

6. Take the steps, not the elevator. If there is only an escalator option, walk up the escalator.

7. Stop farting everywhere you go. If you hold your farts in they will push back into your body and revitalize your organs with weight loss enhancing enzymes.

8. Get some over-the-counter colon cleansing formula. Many fat individuals have several pounds of compacted fecal matter stuck in their colon waiting to be driven out.

9. Find something you enjoy doing that helps you lose weight. Many common, fun activities encourage weight loss. These can include sports, eugenics, and spirituality.

10. Start washing more. Many disgusting, fat people don't wash enough. Fat people need to learn the importance of being clean.

Harsh love, right? Well, it's what's needed.

Weight Loss Journey: Part II

Great news from the weight loss front!!!
It's been reported by an anonymous source that I look a little less fat!
This is great news.

In celebration, I am going to have a feast for dinner tonight. Anyone want to join in? Here's a look at the line-up for tonight's meal:

1. 3 snickers bars
2. Chicken Wings
3. Pasta with marinara and diet meatballs
4. Butter Pecan Salmon
5. Baked Ziti with clam sauce
6. Brown
7. Roast Pork on Sourdough with pickles and minimal gravy
8. Diet Pepsi
9. Fried Chicken, no skin.
10. Tuna Casserole
11. Stuffed Soup
12. Breakfast pouch with egg, precooked bacon, american cheese, and biscuit.
13. macaroni and cheese, browned in microwave.

Any suggestions?
I'm trying to keep it healthy, so no fried foods, or if necessary, remove the breading. When I eat foods that contain heavy amounts of gravy, I will spoon out most of it.

By the way, I've been getting a lot of exercise with my brand new PDX 900.

BIRDEMIC DIARY PART I: The American Humane Association

Hollywood, CA - January 10, 2008 (INB) After watching the romantic thriller, BIRDEMIC's teaser trailer, the American Humane Association has contacted Moviehead Pictures to enquire if there were any real birds being used in the film and that if there were any harm done to the eagles, falcons, hawks & vultures. Moviehead Pictures has replied to American Humane Association that no real birds were used in
the production of BIRDEMIC. "Even though the eagles, falcons, hawks & vultures look very real and terrifying, they are actually computer generated characters", said Director James Nguyen.Based in Hollywood, Moviehead Pictures is a motion picture production company.

Obama - Too Young for the White House?

Hi All.
I know this blog usually has a bit of a sarcastic tone, but I'd like to digress and talk about a serious issue that has been on my mind alot recently. Obama's age.
Obama is a young man, no one can deny that. While he has displayed outstanding courage and responsibility in his short lifespan, we have to keep something imporant in mind: Young People just want to spend time with their friends.
A more refined older man would not be doing so much travel as president. Obama just wants to visit his friends in different parts of the world/country, that's why he's doing so much traveling.
I am a young person myself, and I know I spend alot of time traveling to see my friends. I think it's a natural part of a young person's life, but I'M NOT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. That's why it's ok for me as a young person (like Obama) to do so much traveling.
As president, you should be sitting in the White House all the time doing work. NOT TRAVELING.
While I have no complaints so far about what Obama has done while in office, I think he could have done alot more if he was actually IN OFFICE, and not TRAVELING.
I'd also like to mention that Obama is a family man, and doing so much travelling can interfere with family life.
I think Obama would be perfect if he was older and didn't need to travel so much to visit his friends.

I'd like to mention that this in no way suggests that I regret all the campaign contributions and grass-roots campaigning sacrifices I made for Obama and I wish him the best of luck.

-max

General Tso's Chicken

Check out this great article about one of my favorite dishes, courtsey of wikipedia.

General Tso's Chicken commonly consists of dark-meat pieces of chicken that are battered, deep-fried and seasoned with ginger, garlic, soy sauce, rice vinegar, Shaoxing wine or sherry, sugar, sesame oil, scallions, and hot chili peppers, and often served with steamed broccoli.
Though relatively inexpensive to produce, General Tso's chicken is often listed as a "Chef's Specialty" at Chinese restaurants in North America, commanding a higher price than other items.[8] Many restaurants, especially in areas with many vegetarians, also serve General Tso's Tofu or General Tso's Soy Protein.[9] Other variants substitute shrimp, beef, or even pork for the chicken.[10][11]

One dispute: "The dish is predominantly referred to as Generals Chicken in most Philadelphia area Chinese Restaurants"

This is not true.

Weight Loss Journey: Part I

Let's face it: Alot of Americans today are overweight and/or obese.
Unfortunately, I'm no exception.
Philadelphia has in recent history been ranked the fattest city in the country. While I'm proud to be a Philadelphian, I'm also ashamed at the lack of care people here have for their bodies.
To put it bluntly, I'd like to lose a few pounds and a few inches off my waist. It would not only affect people's perceptions of me, but also my personal sense of self-confidence.
I've experienced a significant weight gain in the last year and a half, and I'd like to get back to a slimmer, more healthful body shape.
I'd like to use this blog as a sort of weight loss journal. I encourage everyone to post comments about their own weight loss stories/mishaps, etc. We're in this together. YES WE CAN! Let's let the innauguration of our new president be the starting point for CHANGE within our lives.

Here's my plan for losing weight:

1. Eat Healtheir foods - I need to switch up my eating lifestyle. This can happen easily. For example, instead of eating at KFC every day, I can eat at Boston Market instead.
2. Photograph my bowel movements and post them on this blog - This will be a reminder to myself of what healthy bowel movements look like.
3. Excercise, Exercise, Exercise - Weight loss is virtually impossible without rigorous exercise regiments. I plan on biking to work more often, going to the gym, and practicing yoga regularly.
4. Purge after meals - Instead of digesting foods, I can vomit them up. This way I retain the enjoyment of food, but don't have to take in all the fat and calories.
5. Monitor my progress using this blog - I'll post updates on my weight, diet, and exercise regiments.
6. Change the daily routine - Simple things can help too. For example, instead of taking the elevator, I can walk the steps. Instead of lying down when I sleep, I can do it standing up.

So here's today's update:

Current Weight: 215 pounds

Breakfast: None

Snack: mini-pack of m&m's

Lunch: Pork Soup

Dinner: Pork Soup

Exercise: Rode bike to and from work.

Let's see how this turns out!

Max

Thieves in the Temple

Top Ten Lists

Ok, today I'm gonna post my top ten of EVERYTHING for 2008.





Top 10 restaurants of 2008





1. KFC - Still the champion after all these years.





2. Popeye's - A great restaurant, with biscuits that are arguably better than KFC's, but nothing beats original recipe.





3. Wendy's - Affordability is an important factor in these lists...nothing beats a Wendy's frosty and jr. bacon cheeseburger when you're on the go, and they're nice on your wallet too :)





4. Olive Garden - When I'm looking to eat in a more sophisticated setting, Olive Garden is my number one choice. Their neverending pasta and breadsticks can't be beat.





5. Pizza Hut- On snowy and cold weather days I like to pop into Pizza Hut for one of their signature cheesesteaks.





6. Blockbuster Video - Movies and popcorn! The classic combination.





7. IHOP - While their prices can sometimes be pretty high, you have to remember that you're paying for quality. Their salisbury steak is incredible.





8.Arby's - While I tend to avoid eating beef, as I don't agree with the idea of killing cows, I think Arby's does roast beef right. Their gravy is delicious, and you can tell by the brown color.





9. Taco Bell - Authentic Mexican cuisine served up at fast food prices? Yup. Taco Bell always hits the spot, whether on a hot summer night of dancing, or a cold winter ski trip. I put the hot sauce on my taco lol :)





10. Dunkin' Donuts - I love their mini-pizzas. When I'm late for work I like to pick up a coffee, two donuts (jelly, lol) and three mini-pizzas. The cheese is so moist and wet. I don't know how they do it, but it's delicious.





Top 10 Drugs of 2008





1. Crack - The obvious choice. It's fun, it's cheap, and it's a guaranteed good time. Name me a person who doesn't like crack. And for those that haven't tried it, you're missing out.





2. Marijuana - The drug of choice for college football fans and others. What else can be said? It's a classic.





3. Heroin - While some are turned off by the idea of sticking a needle in themselves, I say loosen up, you've got nothing to lose. It's potent stuff, so be careful...but prepare yourself for a blast.





4. Meth - Alot of folks consider this to be a "lower-class" drug, but really it's not. Give it a shot!





5. Alcohol - It's legal, and it's great. Everything from micro-brewed beers to delicious licquers. And don't forget to tip the bartender!





6. LSD - This drug is great for spiritual enlightenment and stuff like that.





7. PCP - Personally I only use this when it's laced into my crack. That being said, it's a rollercoaster, but a good one.





8. Cough Syrup - Another great legal drug. One warning, although it tastes great and you may be tempted to drink more than a few bottles --don't. It could lead to serious liver damage and other problems. Beyond that, it's a really fun time.





9. Oxycontin- Made famous by celebs like Rush Limbaugh, this painkiller is great for spring break in Cancun.





10. Nitrous - Administered by dentists when you get surgery. Sometimes you may want to mess up your teeth intentionally just to get at some of this sweet stuff.



Top 10 Animals of 2008



1. Dogs - In honor of Barack Obama's new dog, we had to give it the number one spot. Plus, man's best friend would be hurt not to be number one.

2. Turtles - Slow, but great.

3. Cats - I like to call them man's second best friend. Really great animals, good spirit.

4. Dark Birds - Although they're feisty and liable to attack, they really are of stellar intelligence and posture.

5. Squirrels - I rescued a baby squirrel once. It screamed so loudly.

6. Worms - What other animal can you name that can be split into two separate animals when cut in half?

7. Cricut - One of the best new machines for crafts.

8. Ass - Samson used the skull of one of these great animals to kill lots of Philistines.

9. Cockroach - A classic animal whose reputation still can't be tarnished by slander, at least in my mind.

10. Mice - Comforting creatures to have around, especially during the winter.