Yellow Poop--Is it real?

We all know that yellow feces is a sign of good digestive health.
TO ALL OF YOU FAKES OUT THERE:

STOP URINATING ON YOUR POOP AND TELLING ME IT'S HEALTHY YELLOW POOP. WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU JUST PEED ON YOUR POOP.

Can I Borrow Your Truck or Trailer?

On October 20, 2011 the apocolypse will occur. I'm asking everyone out there if they have a truck or trailer that they can let me borrow for this time. Also, I don't know how to drive so if someone could drive it too that would be great. I'm also interested in anyone that has access to alot of water bottles and canned foods that they could give to me. In return I can offer my companionship and intellect.

Tamalin and Mini have been cute

Obama Coins - My Endorsement

We all know that Barack Obama's inauguration single-handedly changed the face of American history. It was a proud moment for people of all races, including me (Scandinavian/Jewish origins). I know that many people out there are like myself, and really need some keepsake to remember the powerful moment when we saw Barack become president, and I've come across a valuable product that will help all with the endeavor. Officially US minted Barack Obama commerorative coins.



There are many companies producing Obama coins, some good, some not-so-good. I've found the best to be the ones offered by the Home Shopping Network (a very reliable business).
The best deal by far is their 10-pack. Basically, you get 10 sets of Obama coins for $199.95. This is over a $50 discount from their competitors. Not only that, but it's a better product. I've tried out all the Obama coins on the market, and the HSN variety are the good ones. Add to that the fact that HSN charges only $9.25 for shipping and handling, and you've got yourself the deal of the century. The best thing is, these coins are CHEAP now. In 10-20 years their value could easily go up. That's why the 10-pack is such a good deal. I plan on keeping 6 sets for myself as a keepsake to remember Barack's innauguration, giving 4 away to friends and family as birthday/Easter gifts and keeping one to sell in the future. Not only will I get to keep 6 amazing sets of coins in specially hand-carved Amish wood boxes, but I will also easily get back the money I paid for them by selling the one set to collectors. I have lots of friends who are coin enthusiasts, and they're buying these things by the truckload because they know they'll be sitting on a gold mine down the line. BUY HERE.

These coins are really beautiful. They are officially minted US coins, with immaculate and intricate painted sides. These sides contain breathtaking and vivid images that represent Obama's strong leadership. All the classic symbols are there; the white house, the Eagle, Abraham Lincoln, you name it. Looking at these coins really gets me quite emotional, and I'm sure many other proud Americans would agree that without these coins we would not have anything to look to for guidance in the morning. When I see the state this country is in, with soaring gas and fast food prices, high crime rates, rampant pornography, muslim fundamentalism, debt from the iraq war, and an excessive number of americans with up to 3 pounds of compacted fecal matter in their colons, I know that Obama will make things change.

Additionally, other companies are selling Barack Obama commerorative plates, which come with certificates of authenticity. This certificate means that you know the plate is the real deal. I've seen these plates for sale at Rite Aid for about $19.95, which is an amazing deal considering how much they'll be worth in the future. Keep in mind that these plates are meant to be displayed proudly in one's living room, bedroom, or dining arena. They are NOT for eating.

I think we all remember where we were the moment Barack got in the white house. Let's never forget. Buy the coins today.

Pepperoni Salad?

Hey guys.
Today's blog entry is about one of my guilty pleasures: Italian Cuisine.

The thing is, I don't like to stick to the traditional recipes. Rather, I create my own concoctions from traditional italian ingredients. I'll post some of my favorite homemmade recipes here.

1. Calimatta Olive and Gravy Salad

What you'll need: 3 pounds sliced onions
1 package manfrotto brand traditional italian spaghetti noodle
1 Calimatta Olive
6 cups brown gravy
2 tbsp. cabbage
8 cups chopped nuts (optional)

Mix all ingredients in a bowl. Add your favorite dressing. I personally like a combination of ranch and blue cheese.

2. Cream Cheese Ravioli

What you'll need: 3 sheets Rigatolato's Ravioli Crust
2 cans monnacinno's red gravy
7 tbls. sugar
1 lb. ground beef
7 sticks butter
7 sticks string cheese
1/2 pound duck
3 cans diet cherry pepsi.

Ok, so you all know that for the health conscious consumer (like myself) we don't want to use too much oil. So for this recipe you'll notice we're using diet cherry pepsi instead. Simply cut your sheets of ravioli crust, stuff each layer with 1 can of gravy and 1 half pound beef. Wrap the ravioli crust around the ingredients. Fry in 1/2 inch of diet cherry pepsi. With the remaining ingredients, place in a food processor until it reaches a cream cheese consistency and pour on top of raviolis when they are dark brown.



3. Veal and Popcorn Parmegane
What you'll need: 3 packets Orville Redenbacher Buttered Popcorn
2 cutlets milk-fed veal
1 sardine
2 pounds bread crumbs
7 slices Mama Mia brand potato/ginger bread
4 cans Peppino's brand fusion marinara (make sure to get the one with the yellow label)
8 bags swedish meatballs
1 Bottle Red Wine (To Drink with your meal)

Pop your popcorn. Place it in a pan of fusion marinara on medium heat until the popcorn becomes moist. Cut milk-fed veal into quarter inch segments and douse in popcorn marinara. Rub on bread crumbs. Stick between two slickes of potato/ginger bread. Place in the microwave on high heat for 12 minutes. Boil meatballs for approximately 20 minutes and place on top of bread. Makes about 10 servings. Enjoy with your favorite red wine and that special someone who you love. This is a perfect Valentine's Day treat, and a great surprise for the whole family. We've had this dish at my house every Easter and Christmas for I don't know how long.
Enjoy!

Weight Loss Journey Vol.3

It's official!

I lost 2 pounds. It may not seem significant now, but if I keep at it I will have the firm physique I've dreamed of since my youth in a matter of months.

Since I'm now part of the "i lost weight" camp, I'd like to provide some advice to people still stuck in their fat bodies.

1. Stop being such a pig, you fat-ass. Why do you eat so much? You're never going to lose weight eating so much you fat asshole.

2. Stop eating so much chips. Chips and soda will kill your chances of losing weight. I eat at Taco Bell and Baja Fresh, why don't you quit it with the McDonald's and Friendly's?

3. Stop having such low self-esteem. You're worth something. Stop being so hard on yourself. Get out there, meet new people, have a couple drinks at the bar (but none with all the cream).

4. Exercise. Stop being so lazy and lousy. You're so fat and yet you refuse to exercise. You're such a fat piece of shit.

5. Stop putting mayo and gravy on everything.

6. Take the steps, not the elevator. If there is only an escalator option, walk up the escalator.

7. Stop farting everywhere you go. If you hold your farts in they will push back into your body and revitalize your organs with weight loss enhancing enzymes.

8. Get some over-the-counter colon cleansing formula. Many fat individuals have several pounds of compacted fecal matter stuck in their colon waiting to be driven out.

9. Find something you enjoy doing that helps you lose weight. Many common, fun activities encourage weight loss. These can include sports, eugenics, and spirituality.

10. Start washing more. Many disgusting, fat people don't wash enough. Fat people need to learn the importance of being clean.

Harsh love, right? Well, it's what's needed.

Weight Loss Journey: Part II

Great news from the weight loss front!!!
It's been reported by an anonymous source that I look a little less fat!
This is great news.

In celebration, I am going to have a feast for dinner tonight. Anyone want to join in? Here's a look at the line-up for tonight's meal:

1. 3 snickers bars
2. Chicken Wings
3. Pasta with marinara and diet meatballs
4. Butter Pecan Salmon
5. Baked Ziti with clam sauce
6. Brown
7. Roast Pork on Sourdough with pickles and minimal gravy
8. Diet Pepsi
9. Fried Chicken, no skin.
10. Tuna Casserole
11. Stuffed Soup
12. Breakfast pouch with egg, precooked bacon, american cheese, and biscuit.
13. macaroni and cheese, browned in microwave.

Any suggestions?
I'm trying to keep it healthy, so no fried foods, or if necessary, remove the breading. When I eat foods that contain heavy amounts of gravy, I will spoon out most of it.

By the way, I've been getting a lot of exercise with my brand new PDX 900.